Finding Fulfillment in LIfe, Not Food

Ask Dr. Martin Binks

Finding Fulfillment in Life, Not Food

PrintE-mail

Q: I need to lose weight — at least 50 pounds — but I just can't bring myself to make the changes. I think that because of the disappointment in other areas of my life, I overeat to make myself feel better. My job is very dull, but with this economy, I don't think I can quit. I'm divorced and alone after a 30-year marriage, and my kids are grown and gone. The feeling I get is, "Well, since my job isn't fulfilling and I'm alone, I deserve to eat something tasty and at least get satisfaction from something." I eat everything I want to eat, no matter the calories, fat, whatever, because I'm not getting anything else from life right now. What should I do to overcome this?

— Elena, Iowa

A:

A favorite tool I use with my health-coaching clients is a “future life” exercise where you set aside 20 to 30 minutes — or more, if you like — and take the time to really picture what your life could be like three months and then 12 months in the future. My clients find this can really help them to get un-stuck when they find themselves in a rut.

Start by taking a moment to pause, breathe deeply, and focus your attention away from the things that aren’t and toward the things that might be. In other words, prepare to focus on the positive. Next, spend five minutes letting your imagination run wild and think of anything that might make your life better. Do this without restriction — don’t editorialize or even think about how you will pull it off. Dare to dream! That is the warm-up.

Now your mind is energized and ready to get to work. The next step is to pick up a pen and paper and write your own story. Write about how you can realistically see yourself being healthier and happier in three months' time. You might not have the ideal job, but how could you make it a little more tolerable? You may not have all the support you need right now as you transition to the next stage of your life, but what can you add that will give you a little more support and fulfillment at home? Once you have made a good effort at creating your three-month story, focused on the positive, write your 12-month story in the same way.

Finally, plan out some small steps you can take this week that will help you to realize your new future. Then, each week going forward, sit down and write out how you can enhance your life in the week ahead. Remember, baby steps and persistence will get you a long way toward realizing your “future life.”

Learn more in the Everyday Health Weight Center.

Last Updated: 07/06/2009

Behavioral health expert Dr. Martin Binks answers your questions on emotional eating, behavioral health, and weight issues. Dr. Binks is clinical director and CEO of Binks Behavioral Health PLLC and assistant professor in the Division of Medical Psychology, Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Duke University Medical Center