Getting Over Retirement Guilt

Retirement doesn't have to mean settling into old age and a humdrum routine or feeling guilty for having fun. Find ways to enjoy the opportunities that come with retiring.

By Diana K. Rodriguez

Medically reviewed by Pat F. Bass III, MD, MPH

Some people dream of traveling or spending more time with grandchildren. Maybe you want to volunteer for your favorite charity, learn a new skill, or simply relax and enjoy more free time. But whatever your visions of retirement, the reality could feel much different. When seniors leave the workforce and retire, they may feel guilty for a number of reasons, from not contributing to concerns about money. "It seems to be a mix of guilt over good fortune (being able to retire comfortably), shirking duties (no longer having to work or be productive), spending money that may be needed for the future (not adequately appreciating money available), and having access to benefits (like Social Security and pensions)," said Steven M. Albert, PhD, a professor in the department of behavioral and community health sciences and chairman for research and science at the University of Pittsburgh Graduate School of Public Health. "It may also involve a kind of survivor guilt — making it to this point intact and with resources, unlike others less fortunate."
Some seniors may simply feel dissatisfied with their retirement, said Candy Spitz, LCSW, a board-certified life coach at Unlimited Paths based in Church Falls, Va. "Sometimes people think, 'This isn't what I thought it would be,'" said Spitz, but it's important to look at retirement more as an opportunity to figure out something new.
Guilt may also surface about missed opportunities for career advancement or financial choices, and seniors may be worried about money. "There are different types of guilt that roll over into retirement," said P. Murali Doraiswamy, MD, a professor of psychiatry and geriatrics at Duke University Medical Center and a senior fellow at the Duke Center for the Study of Aging and Human Development in Durham, N.C. "Maybe they didn't do something they should have done when they were working — they could have been more aggressive or reached far higher than they had." Some seniors may worry that they didn't invest enough or feel guilty that they retired as a middle manager rather as someone higher up on the corporate ladder.

Why We Retire

Many factors can push people into retirement — and others may pull them in. A Dutch study published in Biomed Central Public Health in May 2013 looked at the different factors that may drive people out of the workforce, comparing negative reasons why people want to leave to positive forces that draw them into retirement. Researchers found that often it was actually a combination of negative forces, like problems or dissatisfaction at work, and positive forces, such as desires to enjoy a flexible lifestyle and spend more time with family, that drove people to retire.
There are also factors that can force an unplanned retirement, such as suffering from health problems or losing a job, Albert said. "People mostly like to work, in my experience," he added. Sometimes company buyouts lead people to take an early retirement before they're actually ready to give up their jobs because of "the strong desire to be productive and contribute in old age and the strong role of paid work in defining productivity," he explained.

Getting Over Retirement Guilt

If you're into your retirement and feeling guilty or filled with other emotions that are blocking the way to enjoying yourself, there are things you can do to brighten your outlook.

• Volunteer. If you're feeling guilty because of your success when many people are struggling, volunteering can help. "The later years of life are a very common time when people feel the urge to contribute, to give back," Spitz said. Your contributions don't have to be financial — you can volunteer by offering your time, knowledge, or support.
• Leave the past behind you. "It's water under the bridge; what's over is over," said Dr. Doraiswamy. Try not to have regrets, and move forward with your life.
• Make amends and create new opportunities. If you've wronged someone, find ways to make up for that, Doraiswamy said. If you wish that you had furthered your education, sign up for classes now. If you need a paid job to feel productive, find work that you enjoy, maybe part-time. It's not too late to accomplish your goals.
• Be mindful. Take time to reflect on your life, what's behind you and the wealth of opportunities before you, suggested Doraiswamy. "If you can practice mindfulness and be in the present moment, you can actually overcome the guilt fast," he said.

Finding Satisfaction

Retiring from work doesn't mean that you have to sit at home all day. You can make your retirement whatever you want it to be. Closing the door on your former career allows you to open the door to new opportunities. "People are living longer, and they're healthier, and they can contribute," said Spitz. "There's no reason to have 20 to 30 years of rest and relaxation. You can work as a volunteer, an organizer in your community, or in paid work."